Virginia’s Unexpected Boozy Break-In
So picture this: it’s early Saturday morning in Ashland, Virginia, and the staff of a local ABC liquor store walk in expecting a normal post-holiday shift. Instead, they’re greeted by a chaotic scene — smashed bottles on the floor, liquor pooled everywhere, and a mysterious trail leading straight to the bathroom. And there, sprawled between the toilet and a bin, is the culprit: a completely passed-out raccoon who had clearly indulged way beyond his limits.
According to officials, the furry intruder didn’t simply wander in through the front door. It had apparently crashed through a ceiling tile during the store’s Thanksgiving closure, kicked off what can only be described as a full-blown alcoholic rampage, and helped itself to whatever bottles it could knock down — mostly bottom-shelf spirits and scotch. By the time employees arrived, the “masked bandit” was so intoxicated that it couldn’t even stumble back out.
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Animal control officer Samantha Martin was called in to retrieve the little troublemaker. She described the scene almost like it came from a slapstick comedy — a blur on CCTV, empty bottles everywhere, and one extremely drunk raccoon snoozing through the consequences of its life choices. The animal was transported to the Hanover County Animal Protection and Shelter, where it was given a safe place to sober up. After a few hours of rest and no signs of injury — aside from what must have been a brutal hangover — it was released back into the wild.
This bizarre incident added a humorous twist to what staff jokingly referred to as their “Black Friday break-in.” But it’s also part of a bigger pattern: raccoons have become experts at coexisting with humans, adapting so well to urban life that research has shown some physical traits beginning to resemble early domestication. Shorter snouts, smaller teeth, even curlier tails — all signs of how much they’ve learned to benefit from human environments, especially our trash.
And believe it or not, animals encountering alcohol isn’t all that unusual. Fermented fruits, sweet nectar, even human leftovers can give wildlife a surprising buzz. There are stories ranging from boozy feral pigs in Australia to honey-tripped bear cubs in Turkey. So our Virginia raccoon is in interesting company.
Still, this particular bandit took things to a whole new level — breaking and entering, binge drinking, and passing out on a bathroom floor like it was the aftermath of a wild night out. The shelter jokingly hoped it learned an important lesson. But let’s be honest: if raccoons are anything like humans, it’ll probably blame the ceiling tile.
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